What to do When you don't know what to do

Donuts.

That's what you do.

I think we all have a friend or family member that has depression or some type of mental illness. 

I wanted to get some thoughts down on what would help me and our family and may be a benefit to others as well. 

(Some ideas are from google searches.)

We recently have gone through hell and are not out of it any time soon.

Jacob disappeared for almost 24 hours.

No note.  

He took nothing with him; no phone, no wallet.

He suffers from severe depression and has suicidal ideation.

I won't get into details too much, but police were looking for him.

I posted on our neighborhood Facebook site.

Justin and I drove around.

We sat in the back yard watching for his van to drive home.

We cried

We prayed.

No one slept much, if at all.
I was literally on my phone writing a MISSING PERSON post for facebook when we found out he was home

(He came home on his own.)

Many people have asked what they can do to help.

Often in these type of situations, there isn't much.

 I have a list of things that might let others know you care:

* Say something.  

Saying nothing IS saying something.  

Things you can say:

I am here for you

You’re not alone in this
I might not understand exactly how you feel right now, but I want to help you
Tell me what I can do to help

* Don't forget about them.  Over time, it might seem the issue has faded.  

It hasn't.  

It's still very much alive and festering.  

Check in.  

Phone calls are great, but mostly if you already have that type of relationship.  

Texts are thumbs up.  

* Love them unconditionally: 

People who are depressed often feel a deep sense of guilt. They may believe that they are a burden to those around them. Sometimes, they even begin to feel that their loved ones would be "better off" without  them.

One of the ways you can combat these feelings is by regularly showing and telling them that you love them unconditionally. When you become discouraged or angry, it's important to reassure them that you are frustrated with their illness, not them.

* Pray for them.  AND their family. 

We are all going through trauma.  

Not just the person with depression.   

* If they ignore you or blow you off, it's not you.  It's the depression.  

Don't take it personally and keep trying.

* Offer help with every day things.  

Making a dinner is the last thing I want to do when I'm feeling down.  

Help schedule appointments

Provide a ride to and from appointments

Grocery shop and do other tasks with your friend

Offer to take walks together a few times a week

Ask if you can help around the house

* And of course, donuts.

A dear friend, dropped off a dozen donuts.  

It has meant so much to our family.