I need to rant just a bit.

Ammon. He already has issues with school. Add covid, home school one day, back again, etc. GETTING covid, missing over two weeks, and also others due to covid flare ups.

So here's the sitch with two classes.

PE. He missed seven days (a lot!). The teacher has a policy that he can make up three of those. Does anyone see an issue with this? Cuz I do.

Also, what he has for his make up work is ridiculous. Class is 66 minutes long. Ammon needs to do 60 minutes of physical activity along with writing a one page paper per missed day.

It's gonna take him WAY longer that 6 minutes to write a paper.

I have lots of not nice thoughts on this.

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The other sitch:::

He was put in study skills class at the term break due to failing his classes. This is for him to work on assignments that are late or needs help with. The teacher never sat him down and explained how things worked. Now with the term almost over, he is throwing him a bone by saying he can get 70% credit if he does x and y and also an extra credit assignment. He's giving him more work when he's already drowning in work. I think this teacher hugely dropped the ball and didn't do his job.

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I like how Justin related this. If Ammon was employed and doing a cruddy job, his boss would talk with him and say hey, why aren't you doing x? etc. Not just say (when a parent advocate approaches him) you're fired. Or I'll pay you half your wages. I guess if you're a terrible employer you could. So I guess this teacher is terrible.

.

We are very frustrated parents. We hired a tutor which has been so great, but shouldn't have been needed if the school was paying any attention (he has a 504). I was told today that since he didn't end up with F's last semester was why he wasn't being helped. !@!@!@!@! He was completely failing until I sat on him for two days straight and he ended up with terrible grades, but passing. This is a fail by our education system.

My even keeled, mild mannered, easy going kid has been crying and having yelling fits due to the stress of having so many missing assignments and F's. Something isn't right.

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I need to end this by saying that most of his teachers have been really amazing and willing to work with Ammon. I realize they are in a different situation as well and under a lot of stress, so am trying to be empathetic to them. I am glad Ammon is back in school and learning something, even if it is how to deal with conflict.

A Week of Thanks

 Our dear prophet,  Russell M Nelson, recently asked us to post what we are thankful for and why on social media (hash tag givethanks). I think it is a wonderful idea. I am preferring to use this location to express my thanks. 

It is interesting how easy and yet how difficult it is for me to choose only seven separate posts. 

My first being sunshine and blue skies, because I am down in Arizona,  not missing the cold deary yuck of the onset of winter at my home. I am able to praise my God;  with a small and yet marvelous moment, I get to experience this joy. 

Gardening is a major draw for my soul, so when winter sets in with its ferocity,  it tends to bring me down.  I am enthralled with my plants and any success I have,  because I have many many unsuccessful attempts (weather,  mice,  dirt, cats, disease,  deer).

I crave being alone,  away from the noise and throttle of society.  My favorite times are when there are no people (besides family), no dogs,  no music,  no silence tainted by cars or airplanes.  Just nothing.  I can feel God in those moments. I can find beauty easier without those distractions.

.....

My second post was entirely cliché.  

My family. 

"I'm thankful for this crazy,  weird, wacky family of mine. 

One of my favorite things is when we gather for scriptures then hang out afterward.  There are so many jokes and so much laughter.  I cherish those times."

Yes. I am thankful for my family.  Specifically,  I was referring to them as a whole.  There is something different when we are together,  all six of us.  I tend to be the Debbie Downer of the group.  They can unwind and make jokes.  I like to plan,  get things lined up; have serious,  meaningful moments.  But when I can pull back and let that go,  I can see the beauty of this little family Heavenly Father blessed me with. How our personalities are vastly different but so glaringly similar.  

I pray my children will be good supports for each other as they make their own families. 

.....

I'm thankful for the Holy Ghost.  

More specifically,  how I know I belong to the correct church.  I know it in my heart.  I know it in my intellect. Do I have doubts?  Yes,  but I know that I am happy where I am.  That if I die,  and all was for naught,  at least I gave it my all, nothing wavering.  

I am learning more all the time,  my appreciation for The Book of Mormon.  For Joseph Smith.  For the sacrament.  For inspired leaders.  For tender mercies.  For miracles. 

I am an infant in my knowledge but I see progress. I see doors and windows open in my mind as I ponder and study the scriptures,  listen to podcasts and General Conference.  My eyes and spirit are opening to the wonders of the gospel. Which yes,  does bring me happiness. It is so easy for me to see the path to happiness.  I wonder how anyone cannot accept it, but realize we are all on our own journey.  We all need to find our way through this mess of a world we are in right now. 

I believe we are all trying to do our best. 

.....

Employment. 

Our family has always had enough.  Even in times when there wasn't much,  it was enough.  We have been watched over by many people.  

After moving from a ten year stretch in Minnesota,  we took a transfer to Utah to be near family.  After one year,  Justin got a new boss who in turn fired several employees and hired his own guys.  

Devastating.  

Justin,  the most loyal,  likeable employee at Raleigh was fired.  Unbelievable.  Such a slap to the face.  

Justin spent many many hours working on his resume,  going to support groups at LDS unemployment,  filing out applications,  and staring off into the void.  This was a broken man.  I have never seen him as down as this dark time. 

He eventually took a job at Rico, a printer company with an office in SLC, a seedy part of town near the homeless shelters.  He spent several weeks sitting through hours, day after day of online classes.  

He started hitting the streets. Entering every business,  hawking something he had zero interest in.  

He was miserable.  And he didn't make much money. 

Six months later,  Raleigh,  out of the blue,  hired him back.  We were overjoyed.  Even though this company had a reputation for firing people,  this was a known comfortable position Justin could make a living at,  and one he enjoyed. 

This lasted less than a year.  Raleigh decided to terminate the entire outside sales force. 

Justin,  wanting to stay in the same line of work,  decided to start up his own independent gig.  He got several companies and maybe could have made it work,  although it looked scary!  

One day,  he was in The Bike Peddler.  The owner had been there,  left,  then felt impressed to go back.  He met with Justin and offered him a job at Lizard Skins.  

This was a moment of tremendous prayer. It felt handed to him by God. Justin took the job, I believe he has been there four years December 1.  He makes quite a bit less money than before and it has been so hard to make ends meet.  But they meet with interventions of God's angels!

We don't know how long he'll work there,  but he is fairly happy. 

In the mean time,  I was feeling some pressure to get a job now that Ammon was in full time school and with Justin's stints of no income or not enough income.  I interviewed with JetBlue. I prayed about it. My prayer was answered the same day as the interview,  when I read an email for the Elders Qorum upcoming Sunday lesson. A talk by Elder Boyd K. Packer ... I felt immediate peace reading this quote, knowing I should not take this job,  or any other for now. 

Not long after,  Jacob texted me he was contemplating suicide.  We brought him home from Job Corps where I spent many hours a week driving him to appointments.  If I had a job,  I wouldn't have been home to be with him. 

And this same story has happened to me TWICE.

When things had settled and life was back to as normal as it ever gets, I again prayed about getting a job. Again I knew this wasn't right.  Again Jacob needed me home.  It is astounding how much Heavenly Father is in the details of our lives when we look for them.  Miracles are all around us,  but we need to have faith to see them.  

So,  back to employment.  I feel safe and secure.  Occasionally I have a moment of fear that joblessness will approach our family with its garish black cloud and I can feel the anxiety creep into my chest and lay hold on my breathing.

Then I try to relax and appreciate that we are so blessed.  I have an incredible home.  I have more than enough food in our pantry. We have an abundance of clothing.  We pay a full tithing and we are blessed. 

..... 

Games

They have been a fundamental part of my entire life.  I remember playing Mastermind, Checkers, with my dad.  I played so many with my grandma Thomson,  Racko, On Our Way, Stadium Checkers, Pick Up Sticks, Yahtzee, House a Fire, Skip Bo. 

I'm so glad Justin likes to play games with me.  We have an abundance of them in our basement. I need to count but I'm sure there are over 200.  I scour thrift stores for unique and especially vintage games or vintage editions (Clue, Uno, They're so much better! )

There aren't many weeks that go by that we don't play at least one.  Our kids aren't overly huge fans,  most of them preferring video games (rolls eyes). Some of my/our favorites are:

Dominion, Settlers with their extentions,  Lost Cities, Spice Road, Splendor, Nertz, The Great Dalmuti, Seven Wonders, Five Crowns. 

I guess I'm a kid at heart. 

.....

Traveling

My parents ruined me with miles upon miles of traveling, starting from my infancy.  As I got older, there was always a camping trip planned, or my dad had a trip for his job. 

Those trips my dad had were a catalyst in part for my wondering soul.  He has always taken amazing photos and back then, they were slides.  That is one of my favorite things: having the hum of the slide projector along with the slides being placed in the wrong orientation so having to fix them.  Oh,  but if you were chosen to push the button!  My dad is also an amazing story teller.    He is great at meeting people and finding himself in unique, often unbelievable situations. Combine these things and you have magic.

I was able to go with him on some of these trips. At eight years old,  our family (minus Shawn on his mission,  and Bruce at college)  lived in Auckland New Zealand.  Then when I was 15, there was another sabbatical to Geneva New York for six months finishing up in New Zealand for another six. Twice in my lifetime I lived in NEW ZEALAND!!! 

Since I've been married,  I've been on many more trips including: Tulum and Half Moon Bay, Mexico (for two weeks with a Thomson reunion) Chile (with my dad for two weeks), Sweden and Norway (with my parents for four weeks), South Africa (for three weeks with my parents and Allison).

With Justin,  we've been to: Yellowstone, Playa del Carmen, Fort Walton Beach, Florida (FOUR times,  staying at a home near the beach), Southern California (Disneyland,  Universal Studios...), Washington coast (backpacking to Shyshy beach), New Zealand and Cook Islands, Oahu Hawaii (with the family and my parents), and dozens of camping trips.

How do we do it with meager funds?  I get asked this on occasion and I'm always happy to explain.

The easy ones to explain involve my parents paying for it.  Others involve us choosing where we use our money.  We are very frugal with what we buy.  We also travel extremely low budget.   Our trip to Hawaii,  for example.  We were there 3.5 weeks.  We traded houses,  including cars,  with another family so all we had to buy were plane tickets and food.  We rent the grossest hotels,  sleep in free camping areas,  rarely eat out, and avoid touristy attractions when possible.  

This sounds like I'm bragging,  and I probably am in a way.  But I feel proud of what we've accomplished.  I always need to have a trip planned in my back pocket.  The pandemic has put a rock in the works but we did a few camping trips this summer and we are planning to visit my parents over Christmas and get our teeth fixed in Algedones, Mexico. 

I am so thankful for diversity.  The world is truly magnification.  I love meeting new people and trying to understand their cultures.  

.....

French Fries

These have kept me alive in rural or foreign countries.  Ketchup is used sparingly,  if at all.  I don't like to mask the potato essence.  My favorite part is licking the salt off my fingers at the end.  

What to do When you don't know what to do

Donuts.

That's what you do.

I think we all have a friend or family member that has depression or some type of mental illness. 

I wanted to get some thoughts down on what would help me and our family and may be a benefit to others as well. 

(Some ideas are from google searches.)

We recently have gone through hell and are not out of it any time soon.

Jacob disappeared for almost 24 hours.

No note.  

He took nothing with him; no phone, no wallet.

He suffers from severe depression and has suicidal ideation.

I won't get into details too much, but police were looking for him.

I posted on our neighborhood Facebook site.

Justin and I drove around.

We sat in the back yard watching for his van to drive home.

We cried

We prayed.

No one slept much, if at all.
I was literally on my phone writing a MISSING PERSON post for facebook when we found out he was home

(He came home on his own.)

Many people have asked what they can do to help.

Often in these type of situations, there isn't much.

 I have a list of things that might let others know you care:

* Say something.  

Saying nothing IS saying something.  

Things you can say:

I am here for you

You’re not alone in this
I might not understand exactly how you feel right now, but I want to help you
Tell me what I can do to help

* Don't forget about them.  Over time, it might seem the issue has faded.  

It hasn't.  

It's still very much alive and festering.  

Check in.  

Phone calls are great, but mostly if you already have that type of relationship.  

Texts are thumbs up.  

* Love them unconditionally: 

People who are depressed often feel a deep sense of guilt. They may believe that they are a burden to those around them. Sometimes, they even begin to feel that their loved ones would be "better off" without  them.

One of the ways you can combat these feelings is by regularly showing and telling them that you love them unconditionally. When you become discouraged or angry, it's important to reassure them that you are frustrated with their illness, not them.

* Pray for them.  AND their family. 

We are all going through trauma.  

Not just the person with depression.   

* If they ignore you or blow you off, it's not you.  It's the depression.  

Don't take it personally and keep trying.

* Offer help with every day things.  

Making a dinner is the last thing I want to do when I'm feeling down.  

Help schedule appointments

Provide a ride to and from appointments

Grocery shop and do other tasks with your friend

Offer to take walks together a few times a week

Ask if you can help around the house

* And of course, donuts.

A dear friend, dropped off a dozen donuts.  

It has meant so much to our family.  

Corona Virus

Seems like a time that I should journal.

It has been crazy.  And I think the crazy isn't going to end soon.  Things, regulations etc, change by the minute.  A day feels like a week.

The Corona Virus COVID-19 originated in the Wuhan wet district of China November of 2019.  It quickly spread and has become a pandemic.  As of today there are over 190,000 CONFIRMED cases world wide, just four short months later.  

While there are many issues around the world happening, I wanted to write about what is happening in our little world.

First of all, I am so thankful that even though my kids drive me nuts often, I am so glad they are home.  If they lived away, I know I would worry about them much more.

Jacob, Isaac, and Allison are enrolled at Salt Lake Community College SLCC this spring semester.  Spring break is this week, but starting Wednesday of next week, their classes will be online through the rest of the semester.

Jacob and Allison are working at Ikea part time, although Jacob is seriously considering quitting due to depression, and having a "lack" of time for homework.  Also, I guess they aren't very nice to him at work (also confirmed by Allison).

Allison is in St. George for a few days for spring break with her co-worker friend, Camille.  They couldn't check into their hotel because no one was 21.  So they found one that let them, Red Roof.

We had a momentary scare, kind of.  Allison had a fever for a couple days  two weeks ago, then a cough, then shortness of breath.  All symptoms. But since she hadn't been around a KNOWN confirmed case and hadn't flown outside of the US, she was not a candidate for a test.  We didn't really think she had it, but just wanted to be safe.

Ammon is home from school.  It has been, not cancelled, but he will do his studies over the computer.  I worry he won't keep up.  He qualifies for free breakfasts and lunches, but we have to pick them up from the school (grab and go) twice a day.  It would cost us more in gas to drive down for one meal.  We are hoping to get him a Chromebook tomorrow from the school.

I had some dental work done in Mexico a month ago and one of the crowns is affecting my tongue.  I know it sounds weird.  Cuz it is.  Anyway, I wanted to get down there while my parents are in Arizona, and planned to take Ammon out of school, and Isaac which is his spring break.  But the Allison scare happened while we were two hours south on the road.  So we stopped and went to the Meadow Hot Springs then back home. 

There are not enough tests be any means.  I feel like they (the government) are trying their best, but they are always steps behind.  They knew this was coming but didn't take tests that were donated to them, wanting to make their own instead, then having set backs. It's absolutely ridiculous.

And then on to toilet paper.  It's all over the internet; jokes about toilet paper.  People are going insane.  I have about 1-2 months worth.  I'm glad we have a bidet!  I'm planing on making some cloth options for the #1's.  

Grocery stores.  Well what can I say!?  It's crazy too.  I went to buy milk last week and you would think it was Black Friday.  Except worse.  I hope we can get fresh greens for Winston (tortoise) in the upcoming weeks.  I'm glad we have tons of food storage.

Justin and I went through our 72 hour kits that hadn't seen the light of day for seven years.  The kids' clothes were definitely on the small side.  Interestingly, the bottled water was terrible.  

And the best for last.  Justin still has a job.  For now.  Yesterday, Lizard Skins is doing a soft lay off.  They are keeping a skeleton crew in house for now.  All others are being sent home at 50% pay.  I'm trying to not be nervous for the future, because that doesn't do any good. His industry is one that will hurt when the economy is down. 

March 30
Worldwide: 780,000 cases confirmed
37,000 deaths
Utah: 806 cases
4 deaths

Wow.  Just wow. 
We are still in stay-a-home orders in Utah, and the US's "Slow the Spread" until the end of April.

Justin's job is still the same.  IKEA closed it's doors last week, so Allison and Jacob lost their jobs. 

A $2 trillion stimulus package is supposed to be coming our way.  There is a blind spot of the ages of 18-24 if you are a dependent, so three of my kids will be nothing.

Ammon is behind in school, as always, and having a very hard time concentrating.  Justin and I have a virtual meeting with his teachers tomorrow. 

I did haircuts today. I hate doing them. But today, I was thankful for my crappy supplies.